A Full Day of Idiocracy

As promised.

When installing a cat-door here are some key points to remember:


- make sure batteries on drill are fully charged, so as to not get stuck in a door mid-drill


- make sure you have a saw. Any saw. Somewhere in your house.


- Note: Circles do not a cat-door make.


- Once you've made the run to Walmart to buy a jig-saw.....returned home....and cut the shape out properly.....one should pay attention to which side is the FRONT and which side is the BACK of the door.


- Shoving a cat through a cat-door will not make her use it willingly. However, taking the flap off the cat door and leaving a gaping hole works.

Now....on to the Darwin Award section of our presentation.

I was happily making dinner last night. Lasagna was in the oven, and I was cutting carrots to make a casserole using this.

It's probably important to note that in the instructions, in nice big letters, they warn consumers to "Never use fingers while cutting with this product". Which I ignored. STUPID.

Slicing carrots on the 'thick' setting and the first one was uneventful. The second one...not sure if it's because I wasn't looking, maybe I was grooving along to the music too much. Maybe I was just lost in la-la land. Next thing I know I felt it cut my finger.

Immediately I turn on the cold water...squeeze my finger at the base and run it under the tap. The blood was pouring pretty good - so I stopped looking. Tried calling for hubby. He was in X-Box world...on the third try I got the response, "What!"....in that tone. "I NEED you. FUCK!". He picked up the Slicer after I told him I'd cut myself....and said, "Oh! You cut it right off!"

To which I replied, "What! It's right off?!"....and he held up the tip of my finger. I went into shock at that point. It's a hard feeling to explain...sick.....breathless......unable to really form a co-herent thought. He got on the phone and had Grandma come over (she's 20 minutes away) and then got on the phone with the health-link people. On hold of course. He was opening every cupboard in the kitchen looking for the first aid kit. And I started laughing. I'm sorry - but it was pretty funny.

"Yes honey, that cupboard that you look into every day and don't see a first-aid kit has magically transformed our drinking glasses into bandages!"

I told him the little kit was in our hiking pack hanging on the stairs. He pulled a bunch of stuff out but I was in no position to let him wrap me with bandages yet. So he threw a towel at me, I wrapped it up fast, held my hand over my head and walked around in shock. Crying a bit. I alternated between walking around and laying on the couch. With my one hand applying pressure and the other arm right up in the air. It was special.

Grandma showed up - hubby was still on hold - and she wrapped the finger with gauze and tape. And there was almost no pain. I'm not complaining - but it was strange. My finger-tip was sitting on the counter....and I was hardly in any pain. Once in awhile a sharp pain and throbbing would show up....but then it went away. I looked at the clock and realized that the casserole had to go in pretty soon.
So, I got up and finished it with the help of Grandma.
As hubby said, "It's not her being brave. She's just stubborn beyond all belief. The most stubborn woman I know."

I think he's right.

The nurse picked up the phone and he talked to her for a bit. Then I talked to her. It was alot of useless questions...but in the end she had looked up my records and I had a tetanus shot in 2002 so I didn't have to go to the hospital right away. They wanted me in the next 4 hours.

So we ate dinner. I had decided that I didn't need to go to the hospital - seriously it seemed fine - and Grandma went home. Around 7 we went to the drug store for supplies as the first half-assed job was carrot stained.

We got home...hubby unwrapped the finger...and thankfully I was holding it over the plastic shopping bag. It started bleeding hard. And my tummy went, "Whooooo....blurb......uuuuuuhhhhh!". He put on 3 gauze pads...and it bled right through. And of course I had to pee right at that moment. Sigh. One handed bathroom trips are an exercise in invention. We took that set of bandages off....replaced them....and went to the hospital.

It wasn't too long a wait really. I didn't have to stay in the normal emerg waiting area - got sent to the minor wound area which was much quieter. They made sure there was no bone cut, put some stuff on it and wrapped it properly. I have to leave this stuff on for 10 days. And not get it wet. Uh-huh. I'm sure that will happen.

If you want to see the grossness scroll down......way down.

Criminal Mastermind....Step 1 Complete.

No more fingerprints on my right pointy finger.

Why you ask?

Well, details to follow tomorrow when I'm not hopped up on painkillers (hmm, change the "when" to an "if") but the short - oh the irony of that statement - story is I cut off the tip of that finger.

My one fingered crime spree will be impressive. Promise.

An "Installing a Cat Door - How Not To Do It Right" segment will also be included for your viewing pleasure.

Now, if you don't mind I'm going to add this hospital bracelet to my growing collection and enjoy the "special" pills they gave me. I love those people.

Fuck, apparently that finger is key - once again, ironic - to typing.

There go my ovaries again....

So bestie Karolle popped out the little cutie pictured above yesterday. Then she proceeded to run a marathon, give CPR to a nun, and bake 5 dozen cookies. Or, I assume that's what someone who goes from 1cm to 10cm within 5 hours does. Sick no?

At any rate, another successful offspring from their production line. Which she informs me is now closed.

That whole house to myself thing last night? Yeah....so, I guess it was.....

FREAKING AWESOME!

No idea what time hubby got home. Early this morning I would guess. I do know that when I tried to wake him up at 7am this morning to inform him I smelled gas (-insert male-produced gas smell joke here-) I had a rough time actually getting him to form coherent sentences. The gas smell, was surprisingly, gas. I guess he spilled some in the garage yesterday? Hmm. Nope, I don't want to know.

Reason's why my butt is wiggling (my office chair happy dance) today:

- House to myself again tonight. I know, I know. Golf claps.
- Long weekend.
- Payday (well, not that any of the money is actually mine.....but at least the mortgage is paid right? RIGHT? Sigh.)
- 28 more days till I see the above captioned cutie and bestie K. 28 more LONG days.
- I got all of son's birthday gifts dug out and wrapped last night. Which means all I have to do tonight is move a computer...then I can sit on my arse and read...or watch my shows.....or do the hula naked. We'll have to see what the night brings.

PS

I love my shoes today!
No I don't wear socks (unless hiking)
Yes I work at a law firm.
No, they don't care if I wear these shoes.
No, I wouldn't care if they DID care if I wore these shoes.
Ewww, my feet are veiny. See....feet ARE gross.

Unprepared

Where in the hell did August go?

The kids are off to Grandma's for the next 2 nights (good GOD how I'm going to miss that when she moves in) and hubby is working overtime for the next two nights.

And this makes me one happy girl!

The whole entire house to myself! Yes, I'll have to spend a majority of my time doing unfun things like cleaning, and digging in the dark recesses of the basement for son's birthday gifts.....but it also means I have the HOUSE TO MYSELF.

Monday is a holiday, and also son's 9th birthday. We've planned (OK, I've told hubby we are going...) a hike for Sunday, and Monday we'll take son to see that stupid Star Wars cartoon movie, pick out an ice-cream cake, and come home and order pizza for him. Kind of like his most perfect day. Actually, it's exactly like his most perfect day.

Then Tuesday it's back to school! YESSSSS!

I did end up writing that email to the corporate headquarters of that ass-sucking store.
Their response:

Thank you for contacting *Store Name* Customer Care to share with us your unfortunate shopping experience at the *Location-Store Name*. Putting the customer first has long been our promise at *Store Name* and I assure you that your experience is not the standard we set for how serve our customers. I have shared your comments with the Store Manager at *Location*, and they would welcome the opportunity to discuss your concerns with you personally. Our Store Managers appreciate being able to speak with customers directly regarding any concerns as this provides the opportunity for them to fulfil our promise of making it right for our customers. I have forwarded your contact information and the Store Manager will contact you in the next few days. In the mean time, if you have any further questions, please do not hesitate to contact either the Store Manager at *Number* or myself. Again we regret this experience and hope you will give us a chance to regain your confidence in the *Location - Store Name*. Regards, Sherraine

Well Sherraine, bring it on.

Ass Sucking Store

I am about to become on of those people. You know, the ones who write angry letters to various corporations who don't really give a flying squirrel fuck what my issues are.

I may use the law firm's letterhead.

There is a grocery store just down the road from our house. I could probably drive an extra 5 minutes and go to one that doesn't suck ass. But, alas, I am lazy. And why the hell should I waste the gas?

This store is pretty dependable (though overpriced) for most grocery items. Their produce...not at all. There wasn't ONE onion in that place that wasn't nasty. I mean...like almost liquefied rotting nasty. I came out with one tiny red onion that was the least disgusting of the lot. Same deal with their apples. And carrots. And lettuce. You get the point right?

Having just chomped down on my 5th rotten blueberry...I think I'm about ready to write that letter. I could see if perhaps they were just having an off delivery week. Maybe their supplier died in a fiery explosion and they were forced to buy 6 month old produce from drug-runners in Ecuador. Maybe the whole damn store is just a front for a massive drug running operation. I should get in on that.....or maybe, the owner is a cheap ass little rat-fart who can't be bothered to care about what people have to pick and choose from out there.

Shit....make that 6 rotten blueberries.

Brain Officially Ka-Putt

I always knew my brain chemistry was off.

Last night, rather than dreaming of my teeth falling out, or spending time with my mother (not sure which torture is worse actually) I spent my night dreaming about...

...wait for it...

....sleeping. Yes. I dreamt of sleeping. Who does that?

I also became one of those people yesterday. Those people that see infomercials on TV and stress about what price they will have to pay if they aren't one of the first 15 callers. I bought a set of these. I actually uttered an excited giggle when the receptionist handed me the package.

Hubby ran a little test last night to see if they work - but I'm going to do a REAL test. I just need a scrap piece of carpet and a 2L of pop.

Sweet Dreams are SO not Made of These

Alright. So...taking pain medication (stronger than Tylenol...slightly weaker than Morphine) before bed has side effects.

Other than knocking me the crap out.

Saturday night I had a wicked lower back and leg thing going on. Thanks to that hike. So....I drugged myself. And proceeded to have dreams about my teeth falling out...one....by.....one.....until 5 am when hubby's work phone rang. He ignored it and we both went back to sleep. I was down to about 4 teeth up and 4 teeth down by the time the next call came in - this time he actually answered it and had to head out to the jail to interview some loser. I spent the next hour until he called telling me to get up...dreaming of wandering the halls of a shopping centre looking for denture paste. You see, I thought I could glue my teeth back in. Though - I was having some pretty major anxiety over how I would know where they all went.

Lovely.

Last night I had the back thing....a big ass mosquito bite on my leg....and a headache. So I took the last of my good pills. It worked...pain go bye-bye. I go to sleep. And dreamt about my mother for the next 7 hours.

Seriously. Kill me now.

And you know what? She was a bitch in my dreams as well.

Kananskis Country (aka the start of the Rockies)

So heading West from our house, before you hit the mountains you hit the little mountains. And trees. We thought we'd try a slightly less vertical hike this weekend. It's a big loop (6.7 km) that is up-hill the first half and down hill the second.

I'm not gonna lie...it wasn't pretty. The scenery yes, the winded people puffing their way up the inclines no.

The kids only complained for the first half of the hike. They heeded our threats to chuck them off the side of the mountain and shut up for the rest of it. And daughter was her usual mouthy obnoxious self.

Daughter: "Well, last night I heard Mom going - insert 'bow-chikka-bow-wow' porno sounds -"

Nice. So you mean at 11:30 pm we can't have Mommy and Daddy time? She earned them both an earlier bedtime. Possibly a drugged bedtime.

Little shit.

Ready to hit the trail.

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Some yellow plants along the side of the hill
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Resting at the top of the loop. Weak-ass city kids.
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On the trail with the brats.
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Pretty birch trees overlooking the valley.

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Kids at the top - overlooking the valley and mountains.
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View of the valley.
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Some pretty red berries.
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Wild mountain cows. Who had diarrhea. Want to know how I know? Uhhh, well....6.7 km of cow-patty covered trails.

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Did you know squirrels can growl?
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Yep...they sure can. It would seem in this area they don't like being approached by camera-crazy women.

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Peeing in my Pants....for fun this time.

Saw a link to this over at Whoopee and then after I stopped laughing I went to this site.

And now my pants are wet.

The results...

And because I'm such a kind SHARING soul.....

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Here is bestie K in all her glory.......

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And I couldn't exactly NOT take advantage of my Facebook access to They've Named Me Momma.....

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And of course....hubby. Who I think is concealed enough in his HOTNESS to be unidentifiable.

Narkus-Supreme-Us

One of the perks of having a cop for a husband is avoiding the "proper channels". So....if you happen to be driving like a total and complete wank around me in the morning, expect a phone call from the Police Service. Warms the cockles of my black little heart. In the afternoon I'm far more likely to let it slide...but watch out morning commuters. Take that you piss-ass BMW! Ha!

So, last I checked it was August. Three days ago it was so stifling hot that I almost considered hubby's repeated requests to come home and find me in the kitchen in my underwear. Almost. Yesterday and today? We had the fireplace on all night, I had the heat cranked in my car, and I swear I saw some of those traitorous geese heading for Cali. Little bastards. I'm still hoping it clears up enough for another hike tomorrow. But, as I sit here in my office shivering in my SWEATER I have decided not to count on it.

Could be worse. I have one friend with a child that refuses to exit her uterus, and another one who has resorted to killing home-invading frogs with household cleaner (apparently 2 squirts of Mr.Clean does the trick?) while in the middle of a hurricane.

That doesn't make me any warmer though.

And the secret code word is....

Hubby: On his way home from the work BBQ last night, "Hey...I'm on my way home now. I snuck out! I'm way south though so I'll be a bit."

Me: "I would strongly suggest you have a cheeseburger in your hands when you walk through the door."

Hubby: Laughing

Me: "Or you can find somewhere else to sleep."

Hubby: Not laughing. "Okaaay. Uh...do you want a drink as well?"

Me: "Nope."

Hubby: "Uh. Fries?"

Me: "I leave that up to your judgement."

Hubby: In a very cautious tone, "Uh. I'll be home soon. Cheeseburger. OK."

Luckily for him he walked in the door with not only a cheeseburger, but apple pies.

Smart man.

In case you were wondering, the secret code to get into my house is, "I have cheeseburgers."

See you all soon.

T-Minus How Long?

I think I have school on the brain. I spent all of my valuable dreamy-time hours imagining the kids back in school. The truly sucky part (other than the fact Christian Bale wasn't the teacher) was that hubby and I were being forced to sit in class, and do the work as well.

And we couldn't. It was too hard.

Oh, and everyone was dressed in medieval clothing. Whatever. I don't even ask anymore.

As of Saturday night the bratlets are going to be on their school day schedule. No more movies on school nights, no more staying up later....and they'll have to get up early. I foresee a long week ahead. I just hope the days of pre-torture is enough to make the actual first few days of back to school a bit more smooth.

Because I was honestly ready to throw the plate of peas at son's head last night. He was that annoying.

Hubby is being forced to go to a "work hours" BBQ at his boss' house this afternoon/evening. I got out of it thankfully. How?
"I'm not going."
That's how. Knowing all I know about his wank-tastic co-workers in the unit, and how much his boss pisses ME off, let alone him....I don't jump for joy at the thought. Plus...it's a hellanious week here in the old cracker-factory. With the paralegal gone all her crazy needy clients bug me non-stop. Plus we have files closing. And files falling apart. And general chaos. My brain is slowly leaking out of my nose. I just want to veg on the couch when I get home tonight.

Still. What the hell? The most I get at work is the Friday bagels. Unfair.

Hey - go check out "They've Named Me Momma" - she's re-vamped her blog and it's perty.
Also, there are naked photos of Christian Bale on there.
Alright, that was a lie. But.....there could be naked photos of him there. I'm a firm believer in potential.
Why is it whenever I see the word "public" in print all my eyes read is "pubic"?

I'm in charge of what now?

Re-Possession

The kids are back in our possession.

Corteo (Cirque du Soleil) was amazing! Another great production from them...and not at all too clowny. Daughter gripped my hands like she was about to jump out of an airplane at 40,000 feet when she saw the clown guy come out (what's the use of having a phobia if you can't pass it along to your offspring?) but once she realized he didn't look like "one of those" clowns she was fine. Son thought the whole thing was wonderful - especially the uses they had for rubber chickens. No comment.

Here is daughter ready for the show. We (I) did her hair all "Cirque" which she complained about from start to finish. Luckily she is still without a vote in this house.

This morning I was up early because the heat was miserable. And I was trapped in the sheet. Couldn't get out, had a minor panic attack....and ended up crawling out the top of the sausage casing I had created in my sleep. And hubby slept on. Amazing skill.

We left early for a canyon up in the rocky mountains for our hike. It was a well known trail so we wanted to be there early. My 50lb hiking pack was stocked, and we were all set!

It was a fairly gentle 2km climb up to the falls. We saw the lower falls first, then went to the upper falls (2.6km). There is a further hike I thought would be just DANDY to try...you go up to a view of the entire valley. Good in theory. We probably made it about 1km up the practically VERTICAL path before I gave up. Carrying a 50 lb pack up a constant hill with 2 whining kids for another 2 hours (one a tiny cup of yogurt for breakfast) wasn't going to happen. We turned around and decided to stop at a little area just after the upper falls for our picnic.

This is where my over planning/packing/carrying crap around paid off. Son ran down a big hill...at the bottom of which was a rocky pile and a little stream. He did just fine even though we both said, "That's not a great idea. He's so going to bail. This is going to hurt.".....then daughter tried. She made it down the path. Past the stream. And head first into the rock pile. We were still about 1/2 way up the path so I instructed her to sit down and breathe till we made our way down there. She was wailing pretty good.

Son was ever so helpful in telling me, "A___ fell!". Yeah, thanks. I didn't think she was imitating a moose in heat with her crying for fun.

"When you run like an idiot down a hill, you fall like an idiot down a hill."

That would be a direct quote from my very own lips. Don't worry though, I did take her over to the nice cold mountain stream, washed her off...and dug into my pack for the first aid kit. She was fine. Her hands are ground up pretty well but otherwise she's fine. Could have been worse, I told her she's lucky she didn't use her face to stop with.

Here is the proof. Perfectly fine 10 minutes after what is now known as the "great fall of '08"

We trundled on. Determined to find a good spot for a picnic. Hubby wanted to sit on the logs by the path....but I have this thing about people watching me eat. Specifically strangers watching me eat. So I dragged him down the trail to find some "promised" field that the sign said we would find eventually if we went that-a-way. Well, 5 minutes down we came to a corner and he declared himself done. So....we sat in the middle of the patch and had our picnic. There were no other hikers in that area and we had the spot to ourselves. Other than the critters.

And we totally did not feed the wildlife.

Any photos you may see below with birds consuming what may appear to be miniature marshmallows, corn nuts, peanuts, or bread crusts with traces of peanut butter & jelly is purely coincidence.

These were Gray Jays and they were cheeky little monkeys. Playing on a hunch....while daughter was eating her sandwich hubby and I advised her to stay very very still. And it worked. The bird went for her food. It's in the top 10 things of funniest shit I've seen. People freaking out at birds is wonderful entertainment. Every time.

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Theft in mid-flight.
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Mine?
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Gross error in judgement of space v/s object.

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Fattest chipmunk EVER.

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The rest are randoms from the hike.

8km (about 5 miles) and the city kids are DONE.

Kidless in the City - Day FIVE

And so it draws to a close. Not how I would have chosen to spend a kidless week.

I miss the little buggers. They are due home in the next few minutes and even though I know within 20 minutes I'll resort to "that tone of voice that makes the cat puff her tail and the neighbors shut their windows" I'm looking forward to taking them out tonight.

I spent most of last night alone, watching geek shows and puttering. Hubby worked yet MORE overtime. I guess it was a good night though. I kind of enjoy geeking out on my own without anyone hassling me.

Did you know there are ancient tunnels running under Budapest? That every home in the oldest part of the city has it's 2 stories, a basement, a medieval cellar, and then an ancient opening into this immense cave/tunnel system that was traditionally used to store household valuables? Geek-out man!

So, as my best-ie (if I spell it bestie it kind of looks like beastie and I'm just not into that) pointed out....the show Corteo that we are seeing tonight is about a clown dying. Which I'm A-OK with. Clowns are wicked evil critters that should be strung up and beaten with sharp implements. Thank-you Stephen King. I can also thank him for my unreasonable fear of lawnmowers, electric knives and semi-trucks. I bring this up because I attempted yet again to watch a Stephen King movie last night. 'The Dark Half' I think? And once again...those books just cannot be converted into movies successfully. 'Stand By Me', yeah OK. 'Maximum Overdrive'? See the unreasonable fear listing above. Maybe even 'It'. Otherwise...it's the most painful thing. I lasted about 45 minutes and gave up.

Kidless in the City - Day FOUR

What better way to spend day FOUR than, yes.....talking about money issues! Whoohoo...it's like a constant party in my head.

Fuck me.

So, it looks like the horrifying is indeed going to go forward and I'll have a mother-in-law living in our unfinished basement. Just like that movie..."The People Under the Stairs"...but scarier. Much, much scarier.

I'm going to do two things. Possibly three. First, I'm going to look at the positives. Built in nanny. Check. Extra income. Check. Live in maid. Check. Extra income. Check. Extra income. Check. OK, so on paper it makes sense. Second, I'm going to go into an extreme state of denial and refuse to even think about it this weekend. Putting my foot down and my lip out. No more. Brain....off. Third, I think I may rename the blog. Something along the lines of, "Rocking in a Corner and Singing 'It's a Small World' While Blowing Bubbles".

Tomorrow the kids come back from Grandma's (shit. No more sending them to Grandma's. SOB!) and we are taking them to see Corteo, the latest Cirque du Soleil show. Hubby and I have seen a couple of these ('O' and 'Ka'...the latter of which we couldn't stop saying, "Ka-kaaaaa! Ka-kaaaaaaa!" like a bird during the show. After the show. Every time we mention it. It's amazing people still talk to us really) and we've been blown away by them. Amazing productions.

Sunday I'm dragging hubby's ass out to the mountains. This time he's GOING to join in the absolute joy and privilege of taking the kids on a hike. Let's see if he can resist using the bear spray on them. Photos to follow I'm sure.

So there you have it. Life is challenging no?

Kidless in the City - Day THREE

Someone please tell me this isn't happening.

PLEASE.

My mother in law cannot be moving in with us.

Just lie to me.

On a completely unrelated note....look - PROOF!

Watch This

Kidless in the City - Day TWO

Day two was a write off.

Disaster.

Complete and utter waste.

Seriously. When the dinner out at a nice restaurant ends with tears and hours of "blah blah blah" there is nothing else to write.

Oh well. There's always day three. Right?

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Notes to Drivers

1. Dear little silver car I could have squashed with my toe-nail.....I understand what you mean when you put on your signal and indicate that you would like the lane I am in. I get it. Really I do. However....and listen up because this is key.....turning on the signal and sitting beside me, matching my speed will not get you there. You see, there is this little thing on the floor....the right hand side....that if you gently push down on you have the wondrous ability to accelerate (say it slowly....ax-seelllll-eerrrrr----ate) into the 15 car lengths I left in front of me for you to squeeze into. It's true. I wouldn't lie to you.

2. Dear man in red car. That's not good for you. Digging for treasure this early in the morning? Come on.

PS....the sun seems to act as a spotlight with the shape and size of your windows. Your mirror was like a doorway into hell. Please, PLEASE try to remember the pain and mental anguish you are causing the drivers behind you.

Kidless in the City - Day ONE

Grandma took the kids for their second round of vacation bible school yesterday. Monday-Friday. They live at her house for the week as per usual to make the mornings a little easier on Grandma.

Sure. That's totally the reason.

That silly woman actually called our house last night and asked us, "Do you want me to bring them back Friday night or Saturday?"

You're kidding right? Uh. Saturday. Around noon. Works for me! I love them and everything....but come on! 5 kidless days?

Last night hubby (who had the day off and was playing house Frau) make a really nice pork roast. Significant because a) I can once again eat pork without ending up in a hospital bed (take that you rotting little gall bladder!) and b) he cooked.

To top off our celebration of all things not kid....we cooked with wine! YES WE DID! And it was DAMN good. A girl could get used to this.

We hit up the book store after dinner because we were KIDLESS. Imagine it.....endless browsing time without having to hear the words, "I want....can I get....puuuhhhleeeeze!"

There are drawbacks.

Hubby managed to find a sex-manual within the first 5 minutes and walked around behind me reading it. I kept giving him the dirty eye-brow stare. "We don't need that!" in hushed exasperation.

"It can't help...I mean it can't hurt." he replies in a normal booming voice. Sigh. "Oh, I should be able to find it in no time flat now!"

There was also the conversation with the multi-pierced girl at the check-out.

"So what did you think of Breaking Dawn?" - I was returning an extra copy I had.
"I thought it was good."
"People are complaining about it but I think it was good! I loved the plot twists!"
"Yeah, I enjoyed that as well. I think it was a little shallow compared to the other books - she tried to squeeze too much into this one."

...and on it went. Almost 10 minutes. As we walked away from the counter hubby looked at me and said, "Look at you getting stuck with the vampire freak girl." and started singing, "I kissed a girl and I liked it!".

I gave him another look. Shook my head. And said, "You don't get it. It's a community. If you were a hot vampire you'd get it."

Then he bit me.

The Latest Installment of "Fuck It"

We had this wonderful idea (OK, I had it and told Hubby it was wonderful therefore we were doing it) of heading out to a Canyon (way up there in the Rockies) on Sunday for a family hike. It was a great idea....therefore I should have known it wouldn't work out. Another murder, another day with hubby working with homicide. He managed to make it home for lunch....then got the call he had to go back out and help them. I debated with myself for about 3 minutes and said,
"Fuck it. We're going anyway."

Mental note. Taking 2 kids into the wilderness of the Rocky Mountains alone is NOT the most relaxing of activities. 2 hours of, "OK, if I bear comes from that direction I'll push them behind me and use this stick...if it's a cougar then I'll have to get my jacket off to wave at it's face. I wonder how fast I can get a granola bar out of my pack to throw at the bear?"

Luckily I still had cell reception so I was on the phone with hubby, letting him know where we were. His words of wisdom? "I should have given you the pepper spray before you left."
Gee, ya think? No, no. I'll just use my STICK for protection. Argh!

Realistically though, there were enough people with dogs out there (we saw at least 4 other people) that the bears wouldn't be too close. And we didn't wander off the path. It was a long hike....we heard a waterfall and we were determined to find the source. We did eventually find it...behind a power plant stuck way back in the middle of nowhere. Nice.

Also, when it's sunny in the city it DOESN'T mean it's sunny in the mountains. 15 minutes out (after 40 minutes of driving) it started raining. And at that point it's too late to turn back. So, we hiked in the rain a bit. Then it cleared up and was nice again.

My city kids are weak.
Daughter: "I wish we could have driven up here."
Me: "That defeats the purpose of hiking."
Son: "They should make a thing that you stand on and it moves so you don't have to walk."
Me: "You guys suck. When I was a kid I could go for hours."

Son was happy he found some awesome sticks (one shaped like a gun made it home with us). Daughter found some pretty rocks so she was happy. I got out of the city and the house so I was happy.

Hubby made it home in time for supper. Then promptly got called out again to interview some twit-stick. Sigh.