OK, so way, way back to like...2 years ago....I decided that I needed a Blackberry. Because it got email. FROM NOT ON MY COMPUTER. Which was like some sort of wicked black magic wrapped in chocolate.
Oh how misguided I was. So horrifically misguided.
Within a month I had stopped kissing it. Within 6 months we were no longer on speaking terms. And yes, to be fair I have HAND ISSUES and it may have fallen once. A day. Every day. WHATEVER. The point is that it decided to be a douche canoe and stop being efficient.
Unless taking 5 minutes to get over the fact that I had the nerve to take a photo with it, is efficient where you live. In which case I'm going to assume you live in hell and WHAT DID YOU DO? Actually, I don't want to know. Unless it involves killing clowns....but it wouldn't. Because then you'd have angel wings.
So, I talked to the mean people who hold my contract and they were all, "NO! We hate kittens and you cannot have a new phone for a YEAR!"...and I cried. With snot and everything. And then guess what? The HTC HERO was born.
Technically it was born ages ago but Canada doesn't get fun things right away. Because of the whole beaver thing. I think. At any rate, it was born into CANADA and after being told by the mysterious experts who live in my computer and tell me things I don't know...I knew I had to have it.
I won't tell you how much I ended up paying for it. WITH another 3 year fuck-me-contract. But I have it. IN MY HAND.
My HERO is like sex covered in chocolate with M&Ms stuck to the outside. PEANUT M&Ms. Yeah, it's that good. And it's already SAVED MY LIFE. Seriously.
OK, not seriously. But I did get a teeny bit lost in the woods and LOOK!
Uh-oh. Which way?
Hey, there's an APP for that!
So, the Blackberry had to die. Not just die....REALLY FUCKING DIE.
And yes...I know it can be recycled blah blah blah. I recycle. ALOT. Everything. I think the planet can suck my dick this once and just accept the fact that I NEEDED to do this. For the sake of my happiness. Hey at least I didn't leave it in the woods! Not that I considered it.....for too long....
Yesterday was a Statutory Holiday in Canada...so I decided in my infinite wisdom that I should drive out to the mountains. Alone. And go hiking. Alone.
It was sunny in the city when I left. Swear to potato.
However about 45 minutes into my drive and maybe 20 from the mountains? Blizzard.
What.The.FUCK.
So, I navigated my way to a fairly easy hike/walk and did my best not to fall on my ass. Twice. See that last photo? The one with the shiny circle? That would be the sun. Or...what we THINK is the sun. Nobody is quite sure because around October the sun goes away until June.
Also? That photo of my face and NOBODY ELSE FOR MILES AND MILES WITH TREES AND FUCKING BEARS AND POSSIBLY RABID MOOSE HIDING BEHIND THE FUCKING BEARS IN THE TREES?
Does that not remind you of that Blair Witch movie? The last known image of Holly......
Things that make you say "Hmmmm" - Inspired by RUM
In medieval England jurors weren't fed until they reached a decision.
The Chinese used to scatter firecrackers around the house - as fire alarms.
111,111,111 x 111,111,111 = 12,345,678,987,654,321
A child laughs about 400 times per day. Adults laugh about 15 times.
The blood vessels of a blue whale are so wide that an adult trout could swim through them.
Some beaver dams are more than 1,000 years old.
Male hospital patients fall out of bed twice as often as female patients.
25% of Americans think Sherlock Holmes was a real person.
The leading cause of death in Papua, New Guinea is falling out of a tree.
Babies are born without kneecaps.
In 10 minutes, a hurricane releases more energy than all the world's nuclear weapons combined.
Los Angeles is 2cm closer to San Fransisco than it was a year ago.
In her entire lifetime, Queen Isabella of Spain (1451-1504) bathed twice. King Louis XIV bathed three times.
Per capita, the cities of Winnipeg and CALGARY drink the most Slurpees in the world.
More than 50% of all the lakes in the world are in CANADA
Belgians once tried to deliver mail using cats. (It didn't work.)
Meet the Repressed Pirate Mom
Why Mom Drinks Rum
Alberta, Canada
Working full time as a legal assistant, married to a cop, raising two kids who despite our attempts at supression are stubbornly strong willed, and living in a busy city longing for the simple life
Words of 'wisdom' from the Rummy One (and various people I've stolen from)
I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.
Some people are like slinkys; they serve no useful purpose, but they do make you smile when they tumble down the stairs.
When I was a kid we had a sandbox. Actually it was a quicksand box. I was an only child...eventually.
It's a mistake to think you can solve any major problems with just potatoes.
You know what I miss? I miss the old days, when I'd think up a sinister scheme for world domination and friends would show a little emotional support. I mean come on now....really.
Let me make one thing perfectly clear to you: I have absolutely no idea how this sentence I'm currently writing is going to finish. When and if it does, I can only hope it makes some kind of coherent ceramic pineapple vibraphone.
Uh-oh. Which way?
Hey, there's an APP for that!
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